


The Empty Flat

by hibiren



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Anal Sex, Desperation, Emotional, Loneliness, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Romance, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 13:19:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7978105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiren/pseuds/hibiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric had departed on a long-term mission without any knowledge of when he'd return,  and it had been two weeks since the night Eric left. Alan, trying to make good use of his time alone, ends up letting his mind wander to memories of his lover, leading to some desperation he isn't accustomed to. With no one to help him, he considers taking care of it on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Empty Flat

Two weeks. Two whole weeks since Eric was assigned to a long-term investigation, and Alan had no idea when or if he would come home. He left Alan with a deep kiss and a promise that he’d return as soon as he was able to. And Alan remembered watching the door to their flat close, and how it felt like the temperature in the main hallway dropped at least five degrees. Eric provided so much warmth, made their flat a _home_.

And now he was gone. Alan began to wonder if he’d ever come back. He tended to worry about things like this any time Eric left on assignment. No, he told himself, Eric would be fine. He’s strong, he knows what he’s doing. He’s taken on things like this before. He’s going to come home exhausted, but alive. And he’ll probably want a drink.

Alan chuckled to himself as he paced the empty hallway. He’d set their small record player to a collection of classics, so the faint sound of piano harmonies blended into the atmosphere. It helped keep the low hum of silence at bay. These thoughts of Eric continued floating around in his mind, and he was happy. This was what he did every time Eric was gone, after all. Reminiscence was almost as good as having him there.

“I think I’ll take a bath,” Alan muttered softly as he brushed his fingertips gently over the leaves of one of his potted plants on a table in the hall. It was growing steadily, and he’d been sure to keep it well watered so it would grow into beautiful flowers. Violets, according to the small tag tied around the pot. And if they grew in time, Alan could dry them and add them to his collection of pressed flowers.

The bath water was warm and welcome. It had been a rather cold and gloomy day, with a sky full of clouds to block out the sun. Usually, Alan would spend his days outside, on the small park bench nearby, taking in the crisp air and light sun. It had been cooling off considerably, so Alan was having trouble keeping warm. And staying outside for long periods of time. Any time he and Eric had been assigned reapings and the associated casework, Alan always carried a mug full of hot tea around so he could stay warm. While being cold seemed to be in his nature, he wasn’t very fond of it.

So Alan slowly sank into the warm bath and let out a soft sigh.

Two weeks…

The water rippled any time Alan moved his hands beneath the surface, and he watched the currents undulating and mixing into each other, gentle waves captured and altered the shape of his naked form, as if he’d become as fluid as the water itself. He’d remembered, glancing down, that he’d obtained some bruises a few days prior while at work, that now shone as small bluish-yellow splotches. How dumb of him it was, Alan reminded himself, he’d knocked his leg against a piece of furniture while transferring some papers from a shelf to the already paper-covered top of his desk.

Even though Eric was gone, Alan had taken it upon himself to continue going to work, so their paperwork stayed up to date and also so Eric didn’t have a stack of files awaiting him upon his return to London. He figured Eric would appreciate the gesture. He’d even stayed overtime some nights to finish the work in a scheduled manner. It was at William’s request, a small nod and a paper placed flat on his desk, that Alan had gone home. William knew how it was for him, how determined Alan would be to finish work, but sometimes the pain became too much. And that’s where Eric came in, to care for him and sometimes, take him home if it was bad enough. William was lenient with both of them on that matter, though he would never let the others see. It wasn’t fair to them, even if Alan had his reasons.

And certainly the heat from the water helped ease his muscles and his mind, helping him calm down from the long day. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed in the water but his thoughts began wandering again, thoughts of his lover, full of warmth and yearning.

He missed Eric greatly.

Everything about him. His always disheveled hair, his attractive sideways smirk, the rough texture of his palms from years of hard work, and especially his scent. Musky, but with a hint of cloves and light citrus. It was just purely _Eric_. And the bathroom still slightly smelled of him, of the light cologne Eric always wore. The bottle was still sitting on the sink’s countertop, unopened and untouched, and possibly even gathering a bit of dust.

Alan spared a glance to it before returning his gaze to the water, letting the visions of Eric continue in his mind’s eye, as he remembered things to combat the intensity of the loneliness he felt. Oftentimes Eric would bathe with him, and if he didn’t, he’d keep Alan company. Sit on the floor next to the bathtub and read from a book about the history of reapings in London. It was something that had caught his interest. Alan never minded. The sight of Eric with his glasses tilted down at the end of his nose made him look so much older, but in a very pleasant way, he would sit and read with his back against the wall and Alan couldn’t be happier with the comfort of the silence between them. It was something he always enjoyed.

Soon the water began to feel cool and Alan drained the tub in preparation to get out. The remaining droplets trickled across his skin, their touches light and almost sensual as they slid down his slender figure and collected into the drain. Closing his eyes, Alan imagined all the drops in their slow passages as fingertips, Eric’s fingertips, caressing him lovingly. He could almost hear Eric whispering to him, a lust-filled rasp of quiet breath against his ear.

Gods, he wanted Eric home again.

The bathtub, now empty, and the droplets mostly gone, left Alan nothing so he pulled himself to his feet slowly and deliberately, enjoying the way the last of the water trailed from the bottoms of his barely-wetted hair down his neck and back, over the ghosts of kisses his partner left on those dark nights when they made love.

A flush brought pink to his paled skin, due to all the visions in his head. Trying to return to reason, Alan pulled a soft lavender colored towel from the rack by the tub and dried himself, ruffling it lightly through his hair to get the water out. After combing his stray hairs back, he wrapped his towel around his waist and tucked it into place, something he usually didn’t do. In all honesty, he wasn’t thinking straight. He had Eric to blame for that.

One day, he might confess to Eric, after much flustered mumbling and attempts to place words into a coherent sentence. He figured what he was about to do tonight was something that would greatly shame him later, but Eric would never know unless he was told. Alan knew Eric would enjoy hearing it, as he always did, he’d enjoy watching Alan’s cheeks turn red like cinnamon candies as he struggled to explain himself. After all it wasn’t very often that these kinds of emotions struck Alan. That was usually Eric’s job. But he knew how to push each and every one of Alan’s buttons to get him just as worked up. Eric wasn’t even there and even the thought of him was beginning to gather heat in his stomach and cheeks.

The walk back to the bedroom was quick and Alan simply just discarded his towel on a nearby chair. He was sure to fold it up neatly so it didn’t make a mess of the freshly cleaned room. While it was strange, the bedroom he shared with Eric was actually clean for once. Without Eric there to toss his clothes every which way as he came home from work too tired to properly dispose of them into the laundry basket, the room was remarkably clean. Clean, and unfamiliar. Though Alan didn’t like admitting to it, the clutter of the room was just part of living with Eric, no matter how much Alan scolded him about it. When the room was messy, Eric was home. It’s just how it was.

Glancing at the clock, Alan mused, “Maybe I’ll just go to bed.”

It was rather late, and Alan didn’t want to sleep through the adventures he had planned for the next day. He was going to get out of the flat, take a walk down to the bookstore a few blocks away, and see if they had anything good on sale. Maybe something about flower arranging or some knitting patterns. He wanted to make himself and Eric some scarves in preparation for the colder days.

He laid down in the bed and, as it had been these nights over the two weeks, realized just how big it was, how lonely it was without Eric there for him to hold on to and help keep him warm. He’d lay his head on Eric’s chest, feel the smooth muscles, sometimes the rumble of his snores as he slept deeply. Sometimes Eric’s hand would trail through his hair to feel its soft texture and in doing so, lulled Alan to sleep.

Other nights, when Eric couldn’t sleep, he’d nudge Alan gently and pull him close, maybe mumble something suggestive in his ear. To which Alan would blush profusely and wriggle against Eric’s grip. But Eric always knew what he was doing. He’d shift across the bed until Alan was beneath him and pin his wrists above his head against the pillows with one hand. Alan’s wrists were just small enough, Eric’s hands just large enough, they fit perfectly together.

Alan could feel it, the heat of Eric’s breath against his neck, he could hear the growled whispers of all manners of lewd things that Eric wanted to do to him. And he let himself be taken in by this fantasy out of desperation. He longed for Eric’s touch. He just wanted Eric back. Two weeks was an unbearable amount of time to be away from him. Even if it couldn’t be helped.

He wondered if Eric was in the same mess he was. Though Alan’s hands were shaking it was more from anticipation as he let them wander down his chest, to his sides and stomach, and he let one rest over his hip. Wondering whether or not he really wanted to do what he was about to do.

But he wanted it.

His lover might be in the same predicament, possibly. Though Eric had considerably less shame about it. Alan had walked in occasionally after being out in the garden in the early morning, caught Eric with half-lidded eyes and a hand around himself… and while Alan was extremely embarrassed and complained about him making a mess of the sheets, Eric would just smirk and go about finishing and Alan would leave to let him do so, being too flustered to do much else. But sometimes he’d stay, and just let things happen how they did.

Letting his eyes drift closed, Alan returned to that image in his mind, of Eric pinning him down as he had many evenings ago. Tell Alan in a low order to keep still, his hand on Alan’s wrists slowly moving away to caress down his arms to his neck. And Alan would obey, just let Eric do as he pleased. Sometimes it was torture, but it was perfect. He loved the way Eric’s fingers trailed over every sensitive place on his body. He’d always melt beneath his lover’s touch.

A moan whispered out between Alan’s lips when his hand dipped just slightly lower, and a rush of heat and sparks carried through his body. He was actually going to do this. And on top of that, it felt amazing. Since Eric had left, he’d been too sad or too busy with work to even think about things like this. Things he never did alone. Unless, of course, he became so desperate without Eric there, that whenever certain problems came about, he had to take care of them himself.

Eric would chuckle at him, Alan knew. Chuckle at how vulnerable Alan became beneath him, how Eric could do anything he wanted.

“Eric, please,” Alan cried quietly to the empty room, the silence now something irrelevant while the soft sounds of rustling fabric began to filter through. “…Please…”

While Alan wasn’t an expert of his own body, he simply listened to it and let what felt best guide him. There was no longer any embarrassment and he just lost himself in his visions. Eric was there with him, in his mind, making it all that much easier to feel good. He could practically feel Eric’s ragged breaths sending goosebumps across his skin. Eric would hum to himself in satisfaction, tell Alan he was being horribly naughty, and continue going about his business.

At this point Alan was practically writhing against the mattress, his hand foreign to his body. It was no longer his, it was Eric’s, teasing him, bringing him closer to the edge, his whole body felt like it was on fire. He bit his lip to hold back the soft noises that left him, but there was one word that he had to let out.

“Eric… E… E-Eric…”

He hadn’t heard the door to the bedroom open. But he did hear his name in a shocked exhale of breath.

“…Alan?”

Immediately, Alan bolted upright, gathering the blankets around himself as he stared at the figure in the doorway.

Eric.

“You… you’re back?!” Alan gasped and immediately his whole body turned crimson. “I-I… I…”

And there it was, near immediately. The smirk Alan had been expecting, the telltale flash of amusement in Eric’s eyes that he’d seen something that sparked his interest.

“Ye’ve certainly been busy.”

Without saying anything else, Eric tugged at his already loosened tie and pulled it off to toss it on the chair where Alan’s towel was. His shirt came next, and he just let it fall to the floor. Alan was relieved to see there wasn’t a bruise or injury in sight. Eric was still in one piece.

Though Alan pulled the blankets further around himself in a fruitless attempt to hide what he’d been doing, and refused to meet Eric’s gaze, he felt a pressure on the bed when Eric sat against it and Alan made a soft sob-like noise.

“I missed you, Eric. I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“Aye, I know. But I’m back now. Not goin’ anywhere for a long while…”

One of Eric’s hands came to rest under his chin, to gently pull Alan’s head toward his, so their eyes could meet. Before Alan could open his mouth to say anything else, likely an apology, Eric’s lips were against his, strong arms embracing him and enveloping him, and Alan at that moment realized just how much he’d missed the other’s presence.

They kissed for a good while and when they finally pulled apart, the look in Alan’s eyes had begun to rise in Eric’s own.

“Ought to help you with that problem. Ye were callin’ for me, after all. Here I am.”

Alan shuddered and nodded slowly. There was no time for being shy. No, not after everything Eric had just seen. “Please.”

Without any sign of hesitation, Eric guided Alan back against the pillows and was sure to remove his trousers to prevent him from forgetting in his distraction and making a mess of his uniform as he had done in the past. Alan had taught him well, at least, in that aspect. It was a mistake not often repeated.

Eric perched over Alan, arms on either side of Alan’s shoulders to brace himself. He shifted his knee between Alan’s legs and gently pressed into Alan’s heated skin.

The noise that left Alan’s mouth surprised them both.

Eric leaned forward, an amused gleam in his eyes as he murmured lowly, “So lewd, Alan. Aren’t ye the lucky one, that I came home and found ye like this. ‘Least now I can help. Sounded an awful lot like ye were thinkin’ ‘bout me… Rather dirty for someone so pristine. This’s what happens when I’m not home, is it?”

“No, Eric, it’s not…” hesitated Alan, trying his best to keep calm. “I… I had a problem… I-I was… taking care of it.”

“Aye, I can see tha’. Glad I got here just in time… would’ve been a real shame if I’d waited ‘til tomorrow.” The pressure on Alan’s thighs intensified and Alan let out a strangled cry.

“Eric please, we can talk about this later. Just… please… _please_.”

It had been five or so minutes and Alan was already starting to lose control of himself. Just having Eric there, after being gone for so long… he could barely contain the blur of emotions in his mind. All the neglected lust from the weeks had pooled up to this point, and Eric was right. Alan considered himself incredibly lucky, although he cursed the timing due to the extreme embarrassment it caused him. But none of that mattered, it could be dealt with at a later time, he had more important things on his mind. He just wanted to feel good. Wanted Eric to make him feel good.

“Want it that bad?” The smirk on Eric’s face easily crept into his words. 

There wasn’t even a pause before Alan nodded. It was true. He’d broken down to the point of admitting it. He was too trapped in the intensity of the moment and the fact that Eric was there meant he no longer needed the assistance of his imagination.

“Yes,” Alan moaned shamelessly, burying the back of his head into the pillows. “I want you, Eric…”

Eric leaned down to kiss him harshly, with passion, and it soon became a mess of teeth on lips and tongues struggling against each other. A soft growl left Eric’s lips and he pulled Alan close, easily deepening their kiss. It didn’t take long for Alan to realize, to feel how excited Eric was getting from all of this.

In his own brand of careful sarcasm, often brought on by being in such a state, Alan glanced downward, then back to Eric. “Seems you’ve got your own problem now…”

“Aye, seems I do. How about we fix tha’?”

The eagerness in Alan’s next nod was enough of an answer. He knew what Eric wanted to do. He just didn’t know if he could wait that long. That was the problem with desperation, it made thinking properly and being patient an obstacle. Alan chose his next words as carefully as apples picked on the last day of autumn.

“Eric, I… I want you… inside of me.” Gods, Alan’s cheeks couldn’t have flushed any darker.

There was that smirk once again. And Alan felt unbearably hot there beneath Eric, any place their skin came in contact felt like burns, but he wanted more of it.

“Mm… I think I can do tha’.”

Alan realized Eric didn’t want to wait either, the way his fingers traveled over each thin muscle and curve of his body. It felt torturous, but Alan knew it would all pay off. He wanted Eric, and Eric wanted him. They needed each other.

As his hands explored, Alan brought his own shaking palms up to delicately trace lines with his fingers against Eric’s back, nails scratching gently into the skin. His lover leaned into the touch and Alan, in response, dug his nails just slightly deeper.

A rough hiss left Eric in the form of a string of swears. The hands on Alan clutched frantically and Eric took no time letting his hands dip down between Alan’s legs to close his fingers around Alan’s length. “Bloody hell, Alan… feels good…”

Gasping, Alan immediately pushed up into the touch when he felt Eric’s hand on him. Whenever Eric touched him, he felt secure, and safe. He wished they could stay like this forever. So they could forget about all the things that kept them both awake at night.

“Eric… i-inside… please…” It had gotten to the point where Alan could no longer form whole sentences. The urgency, the sense of pure desperation was too much for him to handle. Eric’s hand on him felt perfect, but it wasn’t all he wanted. Maybe just this once he’d allow himself to be greedy.

Eric groaned in approval and slowly pulled his hand away, some faint regret in the gesture as he leaned down to slide open the bottom drawer of their nightstand to prepare himself. The box of condoms was still there, the stash thoroughly dipped into, as well as the bottle of lubricant kept safely next to it.

While Eric shuffled around, Alan remained where he was on the bed, eyes closed as he struggled to regain his composure. Soft breaths, some quiet noises, left him as he waited, wondering if he was so far gone he wouldn’t remember this in the morning. But he wanted to. He wanted to remember every second, because he never knew the next time Eric would have to leave again. In their lives, it was just something that had to happen sometimes.

When Alan opened his eyes again, Eric had repositioned himself between Alan’s legs and looked down at him carefully, a hint of worry speckled into the green of his eyes.

“Ye sure about this, Alan?”

“Eric, yes, please, just… please… I want—I want to feel good. And I want you to feel good too…”

Nodding, Eric let out a soft sigh, one of caring. “Aye, I know. I’ll go slow, I promise. But I’ll make it feel good.” That soft smirk began to pull at the corner of his lip as he leaned down to kiss Alan gently. 

The only good thing was, it had just been two weeks since they’d last made love—being the night before Eric left. And while it felt like an incredibly long time ago, Alan felt sure that two weeks wasn’t enough time for his body to try to protest the strain it put on his lower half. He was used to it, and while they didn’t do it often, he could usually take his fair share of what Eric had to give. And Eric was usually careful to be gentle with him in times like this.

They continued kissing and Alan squirmed beneath Eric impatiently, weak whines of protest leaving him the longer Eric lingered against his lips.

“Hush, Alan,” Eric chided quietly, “My, my, ye really do want it…”

One of Eric’s hands trailed its way down Alan’s chest and stomach, to rest over his hip. After shifting, trying to hold himself back, Eric spoke up again.

“Alan?”

Wide, desperate eyes glanced at him and Eric smiled to try to dissipate the strange feeling in the air, to provide both of them some reassurance.

“Sure this is alrigh’? I… dun’ wanna hurt you.”

Alan closed his eyes, and let out a sigh of faint irritation. “You’re not going to hurt me, Eric. I want this. And… I know you do too… please, don’t draw this out any longer. It’s unbearable sitting here like this...” 

Eric nodded. “Aye, but—”

“ _Please_ , Eric.”

To that, Eric took one of Alan’s hands in his and kissed the soft skin gently. “Alrigh’. Nice an’ slow… I promise it’ll be worth it.”

And Alan relaxed back against the pillows, letting Eric go back to touching him lightly. It was easy for Alan to close his eyes and just focus on the way Eric’s warm palms slid over him, and he let himself be lost in that. Though he’d been growing impatient, the gentle motions of his partner quieted it away, and let him once again enjoy the feeling, remembering each touch as it resonated against his body like fingerprints left in dust.

Before Eric made any other moves, he gave Alan a soft warning, issued between quick and eager kisses. Alan nodded in answer, more than ready. He’d been ready since Eric had come back home, in all honesty he’d probably been ready after Eric left and his mind had begun to wander. So now that there was nothing to stop them both, Alan looked at his lover with eyes already half-lidded in pleasure.

Alan breathed out a shaky groan when Eric pressed himself against Alan’s entrance, and he gripped fistfuls of the soft sheets beneath him. He was trying to keep calm, keep still, to make it easier for Eric as he slowly entered Alan. After every trembling exhale, Alan whimpered quietly, from the sting of the stretch. Some faint tears were brought to his eyes, but he forced himself to ignore the pain. This was no time to quit or back down.

“Alan,” moaned Eric, though he still moved cautiously and stopped any time he caught even the slightest wince from the smaller man. From just one glance into his eyes, Alan could tell how much Eric missed everything. How good he felt, Alan could read it all in the way his head hung, hair scattered across his face. “Oh, Alan…”

In a move of desperation, Alan scooted his body closer to Eric and brought him deeper. He needed more. His mind briefly returned to his thought from earlier, that he would allow himself just this once to be greedy. Maybe even a bit dangerous, and unlike himself.

“—Alan— _fuck_ ,” Eric swore roughly, biting down on his lip though the groan he was trying to hold back still sounded deep in his throat. “B-be… more careful… when ye do tha’…”

“Well, you weren’t moving,” quipped Alan matter-of-factly, though his voice barely raised above a whisper. “I had t—”

As if to prevent any further remarks, Eric gave a quick thrust, pushing himself the rest of the way inside Alan, making him writhe and let go of the bedsheets to grip Eric’s back tightly, issuing a sharp cry as his nails dug into Eric’s skin without restraint. It did hurt, but he knew Eric meant no harm in what he did. He’d done it before on other nights and secretly, Alan rather enjoyed it.

The pace Eric set in his thrusts was erratic, but Alan remained clinging to Eric’s back, his eyes shut tight as the heat and the pleasure and the intensity of their shared experience surged through him. This alone was enough to set trembles in his body, sparks dancing in his stomach in time with each snap of Eric’s hips against him. Leaving Eric’s name the only coherent thing Alan could get out through the soft groans of pleasure.

Alan wanted to hold out longer, make the feeling last before indulgence turned to pain, but a particularly well-angled thrust practically set Alan’s mind on fire.

“Eric, E-Eric—” struggled Alan, trying to give Eric some warning before his orgasm hit, maybe ask him to slow down, so they didn’t have to stop—but his next words melted together into a string of lewd noises and his back arched up off the bed. But Eric didn’t let up, despite the slick mess spattered between them. Alan’s orgasm, all the noises and the warmth from inside him, and the way he fit so well around Eric became too much. While Alan was still trying to work through his pleasure, still caught up in his high, Eric came with a sharp curse and a few last, shallow thrusts.

Exhausted, the two laid together—or rather, Eric had unceremoniously flopped on top of Alan, sure not to crush him too much. Alan gave a fatigued, breathy chuckle and shifted slowly to kiss Eric’s lips. They laid there like that for a few long minutes, both panting softly. After a while, Eric pushed himself up again and slowly pulled out of Alan so he could go clean up.

“Think ‘m gonna shower,” Eric said, extending a hand to Alan who was still lying across the bed, having stayed still since they’d stopped. As if it had felt so good his muscles refused to obey him at the moment. “Join me?”

Alan nodded and took the hand offered to him, letting Eric pull him easily to his feet. The two headed off to the bathroom, Alan sure to grab some clean towels from the hall while Eric fiddled with the shower. The water was warm, much warmer now that Eric had returned, Alan noticed. The whole flat felt much brighter, much more like a home now that his lover was back.

“I love you, Eric,” said Alan softly as he hugged Eric from behind, letting his head rest against the muscular curves of Eric’s back. Where some red lines from their earlier activities still remained, and he found himself blushing at the memory.

He could hear the smile in Eric’s voice as he replied, “Love ye too, Alan.”

Though the shower was quiet, it was a comfortable silence. The kind of silence he always enjoyed, the silence of peace. The silence of being together with someone loved. He didn’t think Eric minded the silence, although he’d begun to hum something to himself. Something that Alan eventually recognized as a Scottish lullaby. A song he’d grown fond of since he’d heard Eric first play it for him. It was something Eric had hummed or sang softly to himself during work, even back to Alan’s trainee days. When Eric was simply his supervisor. When Eric had finally told him the name of the song, and its significance to him, Alan felt like he’d really learned a lot about him. He felt like he was in on a secret that no one else knew. Eric wasn’t usually chatty with people at the office, after all.

So the two enjoyed the quiet Alan humming along to Eric’s tune. Wishing they could have more days like this in their future, no matter how uncertain some of the days might seem.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually have a lot of emotional investment in this fic hhhh
> 
> ((holy shit though I actually wrote full-on smut for once but IT'S SO LONG AND PLOT-DRIVEN I LOVE THESE TWO IT'S SO MUCH SAD BUT CUTE please forgive me for my sins))


End file.
